


Homestuck with Squidward

by fragrantPleroma



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Discord server, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends Arguing, Friends Watching A Video Together, Gen, Married Characters, Strong Language, working through trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 00:24:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18354791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragrantPleroma/pseuds/fragrantPleroma
Summary: Dave Strider rediscovers an old VHS tape with the "Astrology with Squidward" sketches, and shows them to a few people.





	Homestuck with Squidward

**Author's Note:**

> This might be garbage, I don't know. I wrote this in a big stretch from 11pm until half 2 am after watching the sketches. Might delete this later.
> 
> For reference, here is a Youtube video of the sketches: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFMczp08f3Y
> 
> Hope you enjoy.
> 
> EDIT: Fixed some character mistakes and spelling errors. But according to a few people this isn't garbage, so it stays up. Cool.

**Vriskord chatroom, 3rd Kanayuary, 5004 AG**

 

* * *

 

 

DAVE: you remember spongebob

KARKAT: THAT DUMB GRUB SHOW JOHN WONT SHUT UP ABOUT?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: the one where the dish sponge is a fry cook

KARKAT: FUCK HE HAD SHIT TASTE

ROSE: We all did. But, lessons have been learned.

JADE: i liked it. it was funny :)

ROSE: You would. You could be the only one here that would enjoy being in the same room as Spongebob.

KANAYA: Not To Say That Would Be A Flaw

KANAYA: Your Personalities Would Be A Good Match

DAVE: so i was bored after the dig yesterday

ROSE: I still find it surprising that you never had a squirrel fursona. Sandy strikes me as a character you would have admired.

JADE: i did :B

JADE: but i guess i always knew who i was going to be

JADE: i could draw you one though :)

ROSE: I'd like that.

KANAYA: May I Request One Of Myself As Well?

JADE: sure

KARKAT: HOW WAS THE DIG

JADE: come over later and ill see what i can do

DAVE: yeah p good

DAVE: getting tougher to find the cool shit but it keeps me busy

DAVE: so yeah i was bored afterwards and got to looking through some old vhs tapes

JADE: aw youll find something soon :)

DAVE: and there were these old spongebob specials on it

DAVE: mustve had the tape since i was 9

KARKAT: I ALWAYS FORGET HOW ASS BACKWARDS YOUR ANIMATION WAS

ROSE: You never stop working, do you?

KARKAT: YOUR PEOPLE HAD NO RESPECT FOR ART

ROSE: You spend all day digging up farmland, only to spend your evenings as a cultural archaeologist.

KARKAT: HEY FUCK OFF LET YOUR BROTHER LIVE HIS OWN LIFE

DAVE: haha yeah

DAVE: woah

KANAYA: What The Fuck Karkat

KARKAT: SORRY THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR

ROSE: It's fine.

ROSE: I should have made it clearer that I was joking.

KARKAT: SORRY

DAVE: sooo

DAVE: I uploaded the tape to CrockerTube [https://www.crockertube.com/watch?v=HFMczp08f3Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFMczp08f3Y)

 

* * *

 

 

SQUIDWARD: "Not all Cancerians are crabby. But they are all good at causing problems and then blaming it on others."

 

KANAYA: Karkat It's You

KARKAT: MAN IF ONLY

KARKAT: I HAD THE TOTAL OPPOSITE PROBLEM EVERYONE AROUND ME CAUSED PROBLEMS AND I BLAMED IT ALL ON ME

KARKAT: WE WOULDVE BEEN FINE IF VRISKA HAD GOT HER SHIT TOGETHER FROM DAY ONE

KANAYA: We Can Agree To Disagree On That Point

ROSE: I do hate when people force an inversion where it doesn't fit.

 

* * *

 

 

SQUIDWARD: "Let's look at Gemini-"

KARKAT: CAN WE SKIP THIS ONE?

KANAYA: Could We Skip That One?

 

* * *

 

 

SQUIDWARD: "The typical Leo has a voice as pleasant as a dental drill. If you have a Leo in your family I suggest you move out or buy earmuffs."

JADE: NOT true >:O

KARKAT: LOL

JADE: davepeta has the voice of an angel

KARKAT: LOL YEAH RIGHT

DAVE: i gotta disagree there jade

ROSE: If you mean the voice of an unknowable holy being, then yes.

DAVE: i cant understand a word they say

KANAYA: Jade You Are The Only One Of Us Who Can Parse A Word Behind That Kernelsprite Speech Filter

JADE: :/

JADE: well i think their voice is just perfect

 

* * *

 

 

SQUIDWARD: "For the Pisces who wants to stop lying, I have simple advice. Never talk again."

KARKAT: OH

JADE: :(

DAVE: rip

ROSE: Oh dear.

KANAYA: If It's Any Consolation, Feferi Did Quite Well In Most Of Her Dreambubbles.

KANAYA: Or So Her Bubblrs Used To Say At Least

 

* * *

 

 

SQUIDWARD: "Today we explore Sagittarius."

ROSE: It's about time that sweat man stopped hiding from me.

SQUIDWARD: "The bad thing about them: They poop while they're walking."

KARKAT: WEIRD THING IS IF FEFERI HAD TOLD HIM TO HE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE DONE THAT

JADE: uggh gross karkat

KARKAT: IM NOT JOKING IF A PURPLE HAD GIVEN HIM TWENTY BOONDOLLARS TO EAT HIS OWN

KARKAT: NEVER MIND DAVE IS TELLING ME NOT TO FINISH THAT SENTENCE

ROSE: Thank the stars.

DAVE: :thumbsup:

 

* * *

 

 

SQUIDWARD: "If no-one ever invites you to their house, you're probably a Taurus."

KANAYA: I'm glad Tavros finally had a chance to do something.

KARKAT: YEAH

KARKAT: THE GRUB DESERVED BETTER

KARKAT: HE DESERVED A WORLD THAT WOULDN'T TEAR HIM APART

KANAYA: We All Did

KARKAT: YEAH

DAVE: you okay kanaya

ROSE: Kanaya went to get some water.

ROSE: She'll be fine in a minute.

ROSE: We can just skip ahead a bit.

DAVE: hold on karkat went to get some water too

ROSE: Of course.

DAVE: besides thats the last one

ROSE: Ah.

JADE: huh :?

JADE: thats only 6

DAVE: yeah that's all that's left

JADE: aww

DAVE: actually i better go i think i fucked up

DAVE: brb

ROSE: That was interesting.

ROSE: I haven't thought about Spongebob in years.

ROSE: I never saw these sketches growing up.

ROSE: Oh. Of course.

JADE: oh karkat :(

ROSE: Hmm...

JADE: hows kanaya

ROSE: Kanaya told me she wants a minute to think. I ought to respect her wishes.

JADE: :/

JADE: k

ROSE: What?

JADE: nothing

ROSE: What is it, Jade?

JADE: i know its your marriage, not mine, buut

JADE: it sounds like shes upset

JADE: and she wants to talk about it

ROSE: No, that is what you would want.

ROSE: I realise your three years alone on that ship were difficult for you.

ROSE: But for some of us, solitude is not a burden.

JADE: ?!

JADE: im not talking about me!

JADE: people like it when they feel supported!

JADE: especially by their wife!

JADE: why are you being so defensive about this?!

ROSE: There is nothing to defend, because there is nothing to discuss.

ROSE: Kanaya has expressed a desire, and I, as her partner, am supporting it, by allowing it to be fulfilled.

ROSE: I am sorry if that is a difficult concept for you.

JADE: fuck offfff rose! >:O

JADE: go help your fucking wife

DAVE: oh jegus

ROSE: Make me.

DAVE: uh

DAVE: jade are you okay?

JADE: im fine

JADE: is kanaya?

ROSE: da

ROSE: Dave, surely you understand.

ROSE: I know Kanaya. If she wants me to be with her, I'll go.

ROSE: She has not said one word to that effect.

ROSE: Until she does, I am not going to impose myself on her.

DAVE: uh

DAVE: rose

DAVE: ive gotta say

DAVE: like i know you know kanaya

DAVE: but i know karkat

DAVE: enough to know that i shouldn't have shown him something that was gonna remind him of the friends he saw die.

DAVE: i don't know what kanaya wants right now, but i know what i want is to apologise to her for doing that to her too

DAVE: would you tell her that?

ROSE: ...

ROSE: You are insufferable, sometimes.

ROSE: Okay. Be right back.

JADE: thank gog :/

DAVE: sorry

DAVE: you okay?

JADE: yeah

JADE: but uggh

JADE: rose can never be wrong, you know >:(

DAVE: i know

DAVE: i guess some things never change

DAVE: like me and making dumb mistakes trying to be cool

JADE: i think im just going to sign off

DAVE: well not cool, but

JADE: its getting late

DAVE: you sure?

JADE: yeah

DAVE: okay

DAVE: sorry

JADE: niight :wave:

JADE: no its fine

JADE: you didnt do anything wrong

JADE: ill teleport to you tomorrow

DAVE: okay

DAVE: see you then

JADE: bye

 

* * *

 

 

ROSE: I'm back. I passed on your apology to Kanaya.

ROSE: I was right, by the way. She wanted some space on her own.

ROSE: I told you, I know my own partner.

DAVE: cool

ROSE: I may have been a little quick to defend myself just now.

ROSE: I hope you're alright, Jade.

DAVE: she signed off

DAVE: said it was late

ROSE: Ah.

ROSE: Well.

ROSE: Thank you for sharing that piece of your history, in any case.

DAVE: sure

ROSE: As I said, this is the first time in a few years that I've thought about Spongebob.

ROSE: Thank you for giving me something new to show Kanaya.

DAVE: its funny isnt it

DAVE: i never watched it much but

DAVE: theres something weird about finding lost media right?

DAVE: something only a few of us wouldve seen when it came out and even less would care about it now

DAVE: it was somebodys job to make these and i will never be able to tell you who it was

DAVE: like how many things are we going to do on this planet

DAVE: how much do you want to do

DAVE: and in a thousand years time how much of what you did do you think will survive

ROSE: All things are lost to time.

ROSE: "And with strange aeons even death may die", et cetera.

ROSE: All that we can hope for is that what we do now will help someone before it disappears.

ROSE: And so the more we do, the greater chance we have to survive into the future.

ROSE: Until our work is done.

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: thanks rose

ROSE: Of course.

ROSE: :)

KARKAT: ALRIGHT IM BACK

KARKAT: WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH RIGHT

DAVE: actually thats all they made

KARKAT: HUH

KANAYA: How Many Of These Are Left

KARKAT: DAVE SAYS WE'RE DONE THEY DIDN'T MAKE ANY MORE

ROSE: We're finished, Papaya, that's the end of the video.

KANAYA: Oh

KARKAT: WELL WHAT A FUCKING DOWNER THAT WAS

KANAYA: I Have To Admit I'm Relieved

KARKAT: NEVER SHOW ME THAT AGAIN

KANAYA: But Thank You For That Insight Into Old Human Culture

DAVE: anytime

DAVE: sorry babe

DAVE: i thought youd find it funny

KARKAT: I DONT

KARKAT: I MEAN I PROBABLY WILL IN A FEW YEARS

KARKAT: I HOPE SO

KARKAT: BUT RIGHT NOW I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE WORD ASTROLOGY

DAVE: sure

DAVE: sorry again

ROSE: I'm going to sign off, it's getting late.

DAVE: oh

DAVE: yeah me too i guess

KANAYA: I Suppose We're All Signing Off, Then

KARKAT: SEEMS LIKE IT

DAVE: night guys

KARKAT: YOU WANT TO MEET FOR COFFEE TOMORROW, KANAYA?

ROSE: Goodnight.

KANAYA: I'd Like That

KARKAT: COOL. SEE YOU TOMORROW, THEN.

KANAYA: See You Tomorrow

KARKAT: NIGHT

KANAYA: 'night.


End file.
